Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
