we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize