Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
