dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize