she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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