I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
