What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize