i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
