Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
