how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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