it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
