I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
