If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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