no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
