My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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