the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
