Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
