Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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