you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
