So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
