I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
