Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
