margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
