i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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