Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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