my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
