My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
