I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
