The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
