Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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