I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
