my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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