my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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