If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
