His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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