It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
