If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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