If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
