i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
