Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
