i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
