sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
