When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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