Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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