I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
