She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
