I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
