My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
