32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
