Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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