guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
