and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
