please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
