I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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