Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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