mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
