I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
