According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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