Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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