i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
