There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
