it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
