And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I love having hate sex.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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