I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
